Eternity
by Angela2
Summary: Based on a song of the same name. Janeway's diagnosed with a terminal illness, and tries to keep the facade of well-being in front of her crew. She has one place where she can relax, and does so. A story of friendship, pain, and the struggle to survive.


Eternity  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager, or any of the characters. I am making no profit from this. I also don't own the song Eternity, which belongs to Robbie Williams.  
  
"I'm sorry, Commander. There isn't a thing I can do." The Doctor said solemnly. Chakotay merely nodded, and looked at his Captain, and friend. He turned back to the Doctor and slowly said, "How long?" The Doctor shook his head. "It could be hours, or even years. This disease is unpredictable." Janeway's stomach felt like it was in a vice. She felt nauseous, and the bright sickbay lights seemed to spin around her faster and faster. It was all she could do not to put her head between her knees and try to stop the blood from rushing to her head. Her façade seemed to work as far as she could tell. "I'm so sorry." The Doctor said honestly. "As am I, doctor. I will inform the crew when I see fit. It is time for our shift, Commander." She turned toward Chakotay. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he felt just as bad as she did. The two officers headed to the bridge, exchanging pleasantries along the way with other crewmembers. When they finally stepped off the small turbolift, Janeway was relieved. She wouldn't have to see their pity or sorrow because they didn't know yet. And she intended it to stay like that as long as possible. "We are approaching the nebula, Captain." Start scans and send out probes as soon as they're ready." Janeway replied as she sank into her chair. The shift was quite uneventful and not very relevant to this story. It was just a simple scientific mission that for once stayed simple. There were no surprise attacks by fleets of ships, no temporal anomalies, no life forms found. Nothing. So at the end of the day Janeway was ready to relax. She walked to the holodeck. She passed by some rushing crewmembers, and others who were just walking through the halls. There was no immediate threat, so Janeway paid no attention to them. She stood in front of the doors and they swooshed open. Inside, she found a beautifully clear night with just the softest whisper of wind. The night looked like smooth black velvet. It was so peaceful, with only the soft sounds of waves hitting the beach, and a faint bird song. She walked down toward the water barefoot, and felt the cool water wash over her toes. She walked a few yards down the beach at the waters edge and paused, hearing a noise. It was very quiet, almost a whisper. She thought that she had imagined it until she heard it again. "Kathryn." She knew whose voice it was immediately, and turned toward the sound. "Yes." Chakotay stepped closer to her, and motioned for her to sit. She did so, and saw the moon rising, full and beautiful. It was a few moments before Chakotay spoke. "Kathryn, you can't deny what's happening to you. You need to tell the crew, they deserve to know." With this, she moved closer to him, and he put his arm around her. She did not protest, and leaned her head on his shoulder. She said softly, "I know." Neither spoke a word for quite some time. There was no need for words. Janeway and Chakotay both savored this time, wishing it wouldn't have to end. The moon was far overhead when Janeway spoke. "Chakotay, I don't want this to happen. I don't want to leave my crew. I haven't gotten them home yet." "No one ever wants this to happen, but you know what you have to do. And I'll be here for you, try not to worry." He replied. Janeway stood slowly, and brushed the sand from her clothes. She walked back to the entrance, and left. Chakotay followed several minutes later. ** "So the Doctor says I have somewhere between hours and years to live. I will continue leading you all as long as I'm able, and then the Commander will take control." Janeway finished, staring into the eyes of her senior staff. Everyone in the room was sober. "We'll all help however we can. We'll find a solution." Tom offered. Janeway didn't have the heart to tell him that there was no hope. She walked down the long briefing table and turned on a screen. A nebula was shown, the blue-green and yellow gases swirling like serpents. "This is our current information on nebula 2347. We'll send probes into each sector and collect as much data as we can." Janeway began explaining everyone's jobs. After the briefing, Janeway followed the last person out and headed for her ready room. She sat, and picked up a padd. She began to read the writing and suddenly doubled over in pain. She clutched her stomach and let out a small moan. Her insides felt like they had been tied in knots and were being pulled tighter by the second. She reached a hand to her commbadge and heard the chirp. "Emergency transport to Sickbay." She gasped. The blue light encompassed her and she felt the familiar tingle of the transporter. The Doctor was scanning her the instant she had rematerialized, and there was a frown set on his face. He picked up a hypospray and pressed it to Janeway's neck. She heard the hiss and felt the cool medicine enter her skin. She immediately felt the pain slip away and she fell onto the biobed. She had been sitting on the edge of it, but once she was free of the pain she could relax. "The disease is maturing much more rapidly than I expected. The hypospray will not work again. I'm trying to find another medication to ease the pain." The Doctor reported. "I understand, Doctor. Thank you for your help. Can I leave?" She inquired. "Yes, there's nothing else I can do at present. I'll inform you as soon as there is." Janeway left, and decided that she wanted to go to the holodeck again. She entered; the same program was running. This time, Chakotay was waiting for her. She sat in the sand next to him, breathing the salty air deeply. He was looking in the sky, lying on his back with his head resting on his hands. He seemed deep in thought, but spoke. "I just heard the news. It's so terrible. I wish there was something I could do." "There is." Janeway replied, and seeing his interest, continued. "Get the crew home after I'm gone." He already knew this, and he knew that she understood that that was not what he meant. Still, the words hit him like a knife in the chest. He sat up, and wrapped his arms around her. Together, they wept. They didn't know how long they had sat there, holding each other and crying. They both thought of how much it would hurt to lose each other, and how they were powerless to stop it from happening. They thought of the crew's reactions, and thought of her death. Neither spoke these thoughts out loud, but they both knew what the other was thinking. When they finally let go of each other, they sat together and watched the sunrise. With it brought the small hope of a cure. ** Janeway clutched her stomach again, and bit down on her lip. She would not cry out in front of her crew no matter what it took. She winced, and by now her lip was bleeding. Her stomach was threatening to bring up the little she had managed to eat for breakfast. She stood and made her way to her ready room. No one questioned her. She sat on the black, soft couch and lay down in the most comfortable position she could find. The bile slowly receded and her breathing was easier. After ten minutes, she could stand again and walked with some padds back onto the bridge. She handed them to a few people and sat again. She made it look like nothing was wrong, and they all respected that. She was thankful for the ending of the shift. She had gone into her ready room three more times to try to relieve the pain, and each time she returned with padds. Each time she had taken longer, the last was for a full 45 minutes. She had emptied her stomach and even when she thought there could not possibly be anything left to throw up, she had. The only comfort she had was knowing she'd be able to lay on the beach in the holodeck with Chakotay. This time, Chakotay entered second. He walked with her down the shore, the gentle breeze blowing her auburn hair. He had to help her stand once when she had curled up in pain. He comforted her the best he could, and they continued walking. The pain got progressively worse, and eventually she could only sit and let out small moans. He turned to her and kissed her. They were both a little surprised at first, but then the kiss became more passionate. He ran his fingers through her hair and she did the same to him. Janeway suddenly let out a sharp cry and gasped for air. The pain was overwhelming now, and she couldn't move without bringing sharper spasms. Chakotay knew that she'd die very soon. The bird song and even the sound of the waves and the soft whisper of the wind seemed to be saddened. He opened his mouth and began to sing in a rich, deep voice that filled the air. It wrapped around Janeway and comforted her.  
  
Close your eyes so your don't feel them  
  
They don't need to see you cry  
  
I can't promise I will heal you  
  
But if you want to I will try  
  
I'll sing this somber serenade  
  
The past is done  
  
We've been betrayed  
  
It's true  
  
Someone said the truth will out  
  
I believe without a doubt, in you  
  
You were there for summer dreaming  
  
And you gave me what I need  
  
And I hope you find your freedom  
  
For eternity...  
  
For eternity  
  
Yesterday when you were walking  
  
We talked about your mum and dad  
  
What they did that made you happy  
  
What they did that made you sad  
  
We sat and watched the sun go down  
  
Picked a star before we lost the moon  
  
Youth is wasted on the young  
  
Before you know it's come and gone too soon  
  
You were there for summer dreaming  
  
And you gave me what I need  
  
And I hope you find your freedom  
  
For eternity...  
  
For eternity  
  
For eternity  
  
I'll sing this somber serenade  
  
The past is done  
  
We've been betrayed  
  
It's true  
  
Youth is wasted on the young  
  
Before you know it's come and gone too soon  
  
You were there for summer dreaming  
  
And you are a friend indeed  
  
And I hope you find your freedom  
  
For eternity  
  
You were there for summer dreaming  
  
And you are a friend indeed  
  
And I know you'll find your freedom  
  
Eventually  
  
For eternity  
  
For eternity  
  
Janeway was quiet by the end. A few tears slid down Chakotay's face and fell into the sand beside her hand. These would be the last tears he shed for his Captain, for he had mourned before on this beach once and didn't feel the need to cry. ** "Time of death, 2332 hours." The Doctor said into his medical console. He was leaning over Janeway's pale body, gathering his equipment. He realized the pain his Captain had gone through, and a look of relief was spread over her face. He almost felt the same way. Chakotay held on to Janeway's hand a few moments longer, not wanting to let go. He finally did, and said goodbye to his Captain for the last time. 


End file.
